Consent and Erotic Hypnosis - Revised and Updated

DISCLAIMER - I am not a Lawyer, this is not Legal Advice.

TDLR: Explain what you're going to do, and have them agree to it before you begin inducing a state of Trance. Do not deviate from the negotiated play session. If you notice something you want to explore that they haven't consented to, make a note and bring it up with them as a possible option for future play in your post session debrief.

Consent and Erotic Hypnosis is really just like Consent and most other forms of play. If you have some experience with that, it translates across quite well. If you don't yet, well you'll find it easy to pick up and put into regular practice as part of your play sessions. Today I'll discuss a little about why Consent is important, and how to go about ensuring you have Consent for your awesome, fun, sexy erotic hypnosis ideas.

Why is Consent important in Erotic Hypnosis?

  • As a Hypnotist, you can push your play sessions waaaay further when you have mapped out Consent. One of the big things that holds people back in not asking for the play they really want is not knowing the limits and previous experiences of their play partners. As a Hypnotist, I know I hold myself back from playing more intensely or with stronger phenomena or deeper emotions when my partner has no idea what their limits are. Even briefly negotiating the play session lets you as a Hypnotist know exactly where some of the boundaries are, so you can push and play harder within them without having to hold back so much in case you step on a Landmine accidentally. It keeps both of you safer.
  • It makes the entire experience so much more intense, especially for the trancee (the person being hypnotised). Knowing that you have taken the time to ask them what they like to feel and experience (emotions and meaning are at the core of kink) lets most Bottoms surrender much more deeply into the experience much more quickly, an easy win for you.
  • Negotiating builds trust and increases the responsiveness of your Bottom to hypnosis, suggestion and phenomena. And we all love responsive Bottoms.

Consent and Erotic Hypnosis - Step By Step

Like most new skills, it makes sense to break it down into easy to follow steps and focus on doing them one after the other. Feel free to print off this page and refer back to it if needed, remember that slow is smooth and smooth is fast.

In order, the steps for getting Consent for an Erotic Hypnosis Play Session are:

  1. Explain the Session Contents.
  2. Remove anything they have an objection to, or change it until it's suitable. Discuss with your Bottom.
  3. Extrapolate on the aspects they like and add in more of those. Discuss with your Bottom.
  4. Talk about Aftercare, what are your requirements, what are theirs. Discuss and agree with your Bottom.
  5. Agree on the Session Content, Aftercare and explain they can always open their eyes and come out if they need to.
  6. Begin your Play Session and have fun together doing awesome stuff that makes you both feel great.
  7. When you've finished, you are both responsible for making sure your partner gets the aftercare they discussed. Remember that it's okay for you to need and ask for aftercare too, just make sure you ask before the session.
  8. Debrief each other about what you liked, what you felt, what you both want more of and laugh about it together.

It does sound complex, but most of these steps are simple to do and can be done quickly and easily. Lets explain them in detail below and make each one a little clearer.

Before we Begin - What is Aftercare?

Aftercare is the care that someone often needs after a play session to kind of bring them back to "real life". Some people don't need any, some people need more, but most people require time and a few things to kind of "re-centre" themselves. Common aftercare items include stuffed animals, pillows, blankets, some source of sugar, re-hydration salts or Gatorade. Common aftercare activities can include cuddling, being watched over for a while or time alone for reflection and recovery . If you know what you need for aftercare, tell your play partner. As a Hypnotist there is no shame in having needs. Encourage your Bottom to be as open as you are about their needs for aftercare, make it safe for them to speak by offering up yours first. Below is a simple aftercare activity that you might find useful.

The 5 x 5 Protocol - One simple way to do Aftercare that might work for you

This is a possible beginners protocol for aftercare that is very useful when playing with new people. Explain to them that once the scene finishes, if they like, you'll hold them without words or saying anything for 5 minutes in a position of their choosing. Once the 5 minutes is up, you'll switch roles and they'll hold you in a position of your choosing for 5 minutes. It's also okay to want to be left alone for a few minutes as well, as either the Hypnotist or Bottom. Make sure that both of you clearly express your needs (Hypnotists need aftercare too, it's okay) honestly and upfront. Just make sure you discuss aftercare and agree on what it will look like BEFORE you scene together.

Doing your Erotic Hypnosis Play Session (The Good Stuff)

Step 1: Explain what's going to happen.

Run through your session plan with the Bottom - in detail. Explain anything that they are unclear about. This is the "informing" part of informed consent, so let them know what you expect is going to happen during the session and what it might feel like. Talk about how hypnosis feels differently for everyone, reassure them that they won't tell you all their darkest secrets, do anything they don't want to do, or embarrass themselves, and that deep down a part of them is still in control of the session. Surprising your Bottom with exciting spontaneous hypnoadventures can come once you know each other better - later on. For now, you want your Bottom fully aware of the content of the session from start to finish before you begin hypnotising them. Let them see you coming.

Some Suggested Questions: 

  • Are there any concerns you might have about being hypnotised?
  • Do you know what a Safeword is, and how to use them? Explain the common safewords "Red", "Yellow" and "Green" and be sure that you both agree on their meaning. Remind them that their unconcious can always use their safewords even if they aren't consciously awake or aware.

Step 2: Remove or change any disagreeable Content 

Be an experienced Hypnotist, and ask them if there's anything or any areas that you should avoid during the session. This is one of the ways you can avoid stumbling over "landmines" when working with a new Bottom, and potentially triggering bad feelings, using less-than-ideal imagery or just putting them offside. Explain the imagery or visualisations you're going to use, ask if they have any objections, or could suggest something that would have similar or even stronger affect. If they say that a rain-forest is more relaxing than a mountain cabin, then use the imagery that will give you the best outcome for your Bottom. They are giving you everything you need to take them deeply into mindless pleasure, you might as well listen.

As an example, I was preparing to work with a Bottom and I'd just finished explaining the flow of the session, a simple relaxation experience into a deep trance involving stepping into an imaginary elevator and heading down. I asked her if this was okay, and she replied that she had a fear of elevators, and would much prefer something else instead. So we adapted before we started, I changed the elevator to a walk through the woods together, reexplained the planned session and obtained her consent, then went ahead. Huge success! Change your imagery or technique to suit your Bottom, it builds trust and allows them to fully surrender into the experience by knowing what's about to happen. 

Some Suggested Questions: 

  • Do you have any triggers that you know of?
  • Do you think any traumatic experiences might come up, and how can we work to avoid that?
  • Is there anything I should avoid talking about, subjects, people, situations that you know you respond badly to?

Step 3: Add in more of what they or you know already works

This one is easy, but often overlooked by beginner Hypnotists. Ask them if there's any imagery of experiences they know they respond well to and incorporate those in. You can utilise those experiences, simply have them close their eyes and ask them if there is a memory or place that makes them feel the desired state (happiness, freedom, loved, etc) and with their permission, use those experiences.

Some Suggested Questions:

  • Is there anything you love to relax while doing?
  • What do you do that makes you feel [DESIRED EMOTION]?
  • What do you do when you want to feel [DESIRED EMOTION]?

Step 4: Talk about Aftercare, theirs and yours before the play session

Now is also the time to ask your Bottom about any requirements for aftercare, and express any needs that you as a Hypnotist might have for aftercare post-session. Your Bottom will feel more comfortable knowing your needs and what is expected of them. Discuss, negotiate and agree on that now. If you're unfamiliar with aftercare, I've suggested one way to do it above in detail. Make sure that your Bottom knows how they'll know when the play scene is over and when aftercare will begin.

Some Suggested Questions: 

  • What are your needs for aftercare?
  • Have you done this sort of thing before? What did you need then?
  • What are you likely to need by way of aftercare? (Touch, food, water, comfort toy, etc)
  • Should I touch you during aftercare, leave you alone or even leave the room?
  • What are my needs for aftercare, given what I plan to do with them?

Step 5: Agree on the Play Session

This bit is simple. Literally say "Does that sound okay with you?" That's it. Then run through a standard, explicit hypnotic contract. It looks like this:

"Would you like to be hypnotised?

Would you like to be hypnotised by me?

Would you like to be hypnotised here and now?"

If they give you a clear, loud verbal "YES" - Awesome, continue with your session and any aftercare that has been prearranged. Have fun! And take notes from your debrief so that you can improve and practice your skills.

If they say anything else - Stop and Discuss. Discuss any points of issue. More often than not, they do want to be hypnotised and experience trance with you, there's just something that's interfering with that. Maybe its the location, it's too loud or public. Perhaps there's someone else there that they don't feel safe letting go around. Don't always assume that it has anything to do with you, instead ask some questions and find out what might be blocking them. Remove any blocks if possible.

If you can't come to any kind of understanding, that's fine and is no way a reflection on your skills or you as a Hypnotist. Don't take it so hard, there are lots more people out there curious about hypnosis that there are Hypnotists, so you'll always be in demand.

Step 6: Do the Fun Stuff

This is the fun part! This is where your inner imagination, heart and skills come out and make themselves known. Play, trance and enjoy each other safely, deeply and consensually. The great thing about Erotic Hypnosis and having discussed the play session in detail is that now that you have a much better idea of the boundaries and limits you both have session, so you can play more intensely with your Bottom, and worry less about accidentally stepping on Landmines. A deeper connection and more satisfying play will hopefully be the result. 

Step 7: Aftercare

Aftercare is where you both stop, breathe and just float in the warm afterglow of what you've just shared together. Make this time special, revel in your partner. Come back to earth. There's no real need to speak during this time, especially if you don't know your partner that well. Just enjoy a few moments of quiet together. Don't try to push too much energy or effort into aftercare, it's a simple thing and "coming down" from the emotional high and intensity of the scene.

If you don't know what to do for aftercare, I suggest that you try the ideas described above.

Step 8: Debrief and Improvement

Once you've finished whatever aftercare you agreed upon before your play session, it's time for a quick debrief. Hypnotists here is where you want some feedback from your Bottom - what worked great, what they want more of, what would they change. Bottoms, you can ask for and receive feedback here too.

Some Suggested Questions:

For Hypnotists to ask their Bottom:

  • How did you like that?
  • Was there anything that really stood out for you as being amazing?
  • What would you like more of the next time we play?
  • What do you think I should change?
  • How do you feel now?

For Bottoms to ask their Hypnotist:

  • What did you like the most as a Hypnotist?
  • Was I a good Bottom?
  • How can I¬†improve as a Bottom?
  • Did you enjoy yourself?
  • Is there anything I can do for you?
  • How can I make the experience even better for you?

Conclusion

Consent and Erotic Hypnosis is easy. Explain what you're going to do, and have them agree to it before you begin inducing a state of Trance. Do not deviate from the negotiated play session. If you notice something you want to explore that they haven't consented to, make a note and bring it up with them as a possible option for future play in your post session debrief.

Sidenote: It can be a fun idea to role-play the entire process with a new Bottom, or someone who is curious about being hypnotised, but not sure if they're quite ready for it yet. Just tell them to keep their eyes open and run through the whole Consent process to practice. Like anything new, it's great to practise it in a safe environment before you take it out into the field.

So why such a long guide?

There's a lot of bad information out there on the internet when it comes to Hypnosis and Informed Consent. Making sure that you have Consent from your Bottom (the person going into trance) when doing Hypnosis is actually surprisingly easy, Consent is something you'll be dealing with in every one of your sessions, so learning this simple process will benefit you greatly in solving a lot of problems before they begin.

Protecting Yourself

Less Fun Sidenote - Protecting Yourself Online and in Person: It's important especially when playing online to ensure that your Bottom is over the age of 18 (or the Legal age of Consent in your / their legal jurisdiction). One of the best ways to do this is to exchange pictures of your driver's licences or proof of age card - with the last name and any other personal information besides the year of birth - blacked out. (You can use the Paint tool in Windows to do this). Keep these records somewhere secure, you may need them in future. In Australia for example, it is illegal to have sex with someone under 18.

Always act intelligently to protect yourself, and if you are working with someone new (who you might not know well) take things slowly. Trust your gut feelings, if your Bottom seems unstable, addicted to drama or has a bad track record of abusing other Hypnotists or Tops, it's probably a good idea not to play with them until they seek professional help.